Surgery and recovery

 It's really hard to sleep knowing that in the morning, the doctors are going to put you to sleep and cut your head opened and dig around in your brain.  I hadn't slept the night before thinking my surgery was going to be on Friday, and I didn't sleep again Friday night.  Also when you are on an ICU floor, the nurses come in and do checks on you every 2 hours instead of every 4 hours so there really is no sleeping.  As soon as I would drift off, another nurse would come in and wake me up.  Then usually by about 4 am I was so tired and would try to get to sleep but that is when the blood person would come in and take my blood.  Why they had to do it at 4am...I have no idea.  But while I was on the 4th floor every time they came in around 4 in the morning to do a blood draw.  I must say they were very good at it and it didn't really hurt much.  Finally Saturday morning came and around 7am they came in a wheeled me down to the OR.  First they parked my bed in the hallway and dismissed ROb to the waiting room and the anesthesiologist came and talked to me.  Then Dr. House came and asked me if I had any questions before surgery.  I burst into tears and asked "Am I going to wake up in the middle of the operation?" He said "that's a question for him" referring to the anesthesiologist.  So he said "I'm going to try to make it so that doesn't happen."  For some reason that made me feel better at the time but now that I think of it, it's not a very good answer.  ha ha.  He's going to TRY?!?!  He did a good job though because I don't think I woke up.  :) Then I remember him putting something in my IV and I started to get nervous.  I asked him if this was going to put me to sleep and he said "no, not yet...this is just a little something that is going to make my jokes funnier."  That made me laugh and then they wheeled me into the OR.  I saw my surgeon looking on the computer and a big bright light above the bed they were going to put me on.

The next thing I remember is waking up in my hospital room and Rob was right there by me.  It really is weird how it felt like one minute to me but it actually took about 4 hours (or 4 and a half. I don't remember) Poor Rob had to wait that long for me to be done but for me it was just a short moment.  I remember Brother Hogan from our ward being there when I woke up because he came to keep Rob company while I was in surgery.  I also remember our good friend Hyrum Lefler being there when I woke up.  He said something like "If I had known you would be awake I would have sent Tessa".  Tessa is his wife who is my good friend.  I had a drain sticking out of my head to drain the brain fluid.  Tessa did end up coming by later that day and saying hello and brought me a beautiful orchid (which she had to leave outside my room at the nurses station because they don't allow flowers in the rooms on the 4th floor).

On Sunday my friends Robyn Green, Marcy Lloyd and Laurel came to visit.  It was good to have them there because it really helped my day go faster.  The next day Crys and Alan came by and our bishop and his wife Janice (who is a good friend) came by for a bit.

A few people sent me flowers while I was in the hospital.  They made my room look so pretty!  These ones were from my grandma and her dog Billie.  :)

This was soon after I woke up from surgery. That reddish fluid is my brain fluid.  They had to adjust it so it was even with my ear.  There was a laser light that would show the nurses if it was lined up right.  So if i ever wanted to adjust my bed or sit up or anything I had to call a nurse into my room so they could adjust the drain thing.  Most of the time I just wouldn't move because I didn't want to bother the nurses.  ha ha.  

My feet stayed cute and warm because my friend Laurel supplied me with these cute socks.

One of my nurses was all about me not staying in bed.  She wanted me to get up and eat my meals in this chair so I could get out of the hospital faster.

Picture of my staples.

There is my drain.  Whenever I stood up it would leak down my face and so one of the PAs put in a stitch to try to stop it.  It didn't really work so they eventually just pulled the drain out and put in a couple stitches to close up the hole in hopes that it would stop leaking down my face and that my brain would start reabsorbing the fluid like it was supposed to.

Me with my vitals in the background.  When the drain was in my head there was something that measured the pressure in my head.  They wanted it to be around 10-15 but whenever I would cry it would go way higher.  Then a nurse would come in to check on it because an alarm would go off and I would have to tell them I was crying and that is why the number was high.  Ha ha.  

Rob came on New Year's Eve and we toasted with Martinelli's courtesy of Laurel.  We even used these fun fancy plastic cups. :)  We were both so tired that we did it way before midnight. 

The food at the hospital was pretty good most of the time.  Especially when I got to order what I wanted.   A lot of the time because of the timing of my surgeries I just had to get a plate that was leftover.  This was by far the WORST one I got.  That's about all I ate of it too.  I think I ate the oranges also.  But it was pretty bad.  Most of my other meals were really good though.

When I told them my drain would leak every time I stood up this was their solution.  Just tape a big piece of gauze on the side of my face.  

Laurel also braided my hair to the side for me one of the days she was at the hospital.  

Kinda gross looking but this is what my head looked like until I got the staples out.  A lot of the nurses kept telling me he did such a great job on my head shaving.  They said a lot of doctors shave a lot more off than that so I was looking good.  I'm grateful that he didn't take more hair than he had to.  :)

I finally got to take a shower!!!  They had to tape up my IV and I got to wear a cool shower cap to keep my incision dry.  

My room was right by the Helicopter pad.  I would hear it start up and then run over to watch it take off.  It was a cool view.

My mom brought Finley to visit when I was moved up to the 14th floor.  I was so happy to see her!  

For some reason one night for dinner, they gave me two pieces of cake.  They were both delicious.  And one night I looked out my window and the moon was so big and beautiful.  The picture doesn't even begin to do it justice!

Here I am enjoying a king size Snickers bar from Laurel.  And yes, I ate the whole thing in one sitting. 

Finley played with a (clean) barf bag while she was visiting.  

After my surgery while waiting in the hospital I thought about how it was so great that Finley was already taking a bottle before this all happened.  If she hadn't been this would have all been so much harder.  When she first took a bottle so easily I remember having the thought that maybe it's because she will need to take a bottle later on for one reason or another.  Well...I was right.  I had to stop nursing her rather abruptly and she did just fine because before she wasn't getting enough from me.  So I would feed her and then have to top her off with formula. So that made it so much easier to stop nursing her knowing she would drink from a bottle just fine.  None of my other kids did well with a bottle.

Also the fact that she came a month early is a blessing.  She was completely healthy but I think that her coming early helped my body tell me that something wasn't right so we caught it before it was too late. Like I said my ventricles were about 10 times the normal size and if it had gotten much worse, who knows what could have happened.  

They said I would be in the hospital about a week after the surgery for recovery.  I remember I could hear dripping in my head and fluid kinda sloshing around in there whenever I would move a lot or get up to go to the bathroom.  They said that was "normal" but when I told my nurse she looked at me like it was crazy.  Ha ha.  She needs to work on her poker face.  She made me nervous about it.  The surgeon assured me it was ok.  

They surprised me on Tuesday (just 3 days after the surgery) saying I could go home that day if I wanted to.  That made me nervous.  I just had brain surgery!  And they are going to let me just leave?!?!  So I told the nurse that it made me nervous to leave and she said to just let her know if I decided I wanted to go home.  I thought about it most of the day and by evening I told them I was ready.  So they got my paperwork done and just let me go home.  They wheeled me out in a wheelchair and my mom drove me home.  It was so nice to be home but I was still nervous not being close to a Dr. at all times. 

Here we are in the elevator heading to the car. 

12-28-2017 Our anniversary-Brain tumor

 So this is something I never expected I would be writing about on my blog.  I always thought this was the stuff that happened to other people...but here I am writing about my story.  Hopefully I can remember all the details as they happened in the right order.

A few weeks before Christmas I started getting these weird headaches.  I would stand up to do something and then when I sat down I would get this pounding headache that would last a little while (1-2 minutes) and then it would go away until the next time I sat down.  This pounding wasn't just a little headache, it was like the worst headache of my life.  Then again, I never got headaches before really, so I kept kinda trying to push it off as nothing.  My parents came to Utah for my cousin's wedding just for a few days and my mom noticed that I would wince in pain every time I sat down.  She asked about it and I told her what was going on...She said I should probably get that checked out.  I was starting to feel the same way (before I just kinda pushed it off and didn't want to take the time to go to the Dr.)  Rob took some days off in between Christmas and New Years, so I ended up going into the urgent care center near my house the day after Christmas.  I didn't have a primary care physician so I figured that was the easiest thing to do.

The Dr. that I saw asked a lot of questions and said that my headaches were pretty weird.  He prescribed me some pain medication and told me to follow up with my primary care physician.  So I found one I could use (that I had never seen before and made an appt with him for the 28th (Rob and my anniversary) bright and early at 7am.  I told this doctor what was going on and he thought it was a little strange as well.  He mentioned that it might be dehydration so I should drink some more water.  He also mentioned that maybe I could get a CT scan if I wanted.  He left it up to me.  I said sure just to rule out all the scary stuff so I could just forget and not worry about these headaches!  So they scheduled a CT scan at the Riverton hospital for later that day at 1pm.  I went home and hung out until I had to go.  Rob stayed home with the kids so we didn't have to find a babysitter.  I drove myself to my CT scan.

I got there and found where I was supposed to go.  They called me back and I was surprised I didn't even need to change into a gown.  They just were going to do the scan with me in my regular clothes.  Good...this would be faster and easier than I thought!  The girl called me back and took me in to get a CT scan.  It was much faster and easier than I thought it would be.  It only took about 5 minutes and it wasn't in a tight tube like and MRI is.

Right after the nurse was done with the CT scan she walked back into the room and I sat up thinking I was done.  Instead she said "So there were some things on your CT scan that didn't look quite right...you have hydrocephalus in your brain and your ventricles are a lot bigger (10 times the size!) than they should be.  So I'm going to walk you down to the ER and get you checked in there so you can get an MRI so we can get a better look at things."  My heart just sank.  This scan was supposed to be just to put my mind at ease because nothing was going to be wrong!  So I got checked into the ER and I was just in tears because I was alone and scared.  I called Rob.  Told him to come be with me.  He arranged for the kids to be watched by our neighbor.  Thank you Leflers!  He brought Finley with him to see me in the ER and I nursed her for the last time right there.  They were able to get me in for an MRI before at the Riverton hospital which was somewhat surprising because they didn't think they were going to be able to.  Got that scan done and the ER doctor looked over those and told us that there was a mass near my pituitary gland and that was blocking the CSF (brain fluid) from draining.  He also said that if this had happened quickly that I would be comatose.  Scary.  They transferred me from the Riverton hospital to the one in Murray by ambulance.  That was and interesting experience.  Rob followed the ambulance in the van.  I could see him out the back window from the bed I was on. I made small talk with the guys in the ambulance.

We made it to the other hospital and they got me checked in on the 4th floor which is where the people with brain problems go.  On the other half of the 4th floor are people with respiratory stuff.  The nurses told me kids were not allowed on the floor and not two seconds later Rob sneaks in with Finley  She said he could stay for a minute with her and I could say goodbye before he took her back home.  I met the neurosurgeon Dr. House who would be doing my brain surgery and we decided we wanted to schedule it for the next day just to get it over with.  He said we could wait until Saturday if we wanted but I didn't want to have to wait around until then just thinking and worrying about it. 

In the ER finally with Rob.  I was there by myself before this and it was miserable.

Finley!  It was bittersweet feeding her knowing it would probably be the last time I could nurse her.   It turns out the tumor was probably the reason she was such a fussy baby up until this point.  It may have caused my low milk supply.  She started to be less fussy when she was getting enough formula!

I let her have my bed for a quick diaper change.

After I fed her they loaded me up and brought me over to the IMC in the ambulance.

It was funny because I loved all of my nurses, but it seemed like the night nurses were always male.  Which was fine, just funny when I had to ask them to find me a breast pump so I could pump a little bit.  They tried to figure out how it worked so they could show me but I told them I could probably figure it out.  lol

This is not what I expected to be eating on my anniversary.  By myself.  Rob was gone trying to figure out what to do with the kids.  

The next day was supposed to be my surgery, so I was fasting because they don't let you eat before you have surgery.  I don't remember what time they finally came and told me that they would have to push my surgery back to Saturday morning because there were too many traumas that came in and also a few transplants.  So another night of worrying and being scared about the upcoming brain surgery.  But this way Rob was able to bring the kids up to see me.  I tried really hard not to cry while they were there and I succeeded!  My friend Laurel pretty much spent the whole day at the hospital with me which was great.  I didn't like being alone.  My mom had also already flown in from AZ to help with things.  She stopped by the hospital because she was taking the trax and it stops right outside the hospital.  So she came over and said hello and gave me hugs.  Our home teacher and a good friend Chuck Preston and Will Pettit came that morning and gave me a priesthood blessing that was really powerful.  I was grateful they were able to take the time to come do that for us. 

With the kids!  They loved exploring the room.

One last picture before they left.  I was going to have surgery the next morning bright and early.  

Laurel and I.  So glad she could come spend the day with me and just talk and cry with me.  It was so nice to not be alone!

To be continued...

Christmas 2017

We had a very laid back and chill Christmas this year.  We stuck around home and just did our own thing.  It was great.  We kicked off the kids winter break by watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas because my kids had never seen it before!! Then we got out our Christmas boxes and set up our Christmas tree and other decorations.

I think Sadie makes a good Santa  :)  She found my Santa costume from my 5k I ran a couple years ago with a friend.

We took the kids to meet one of Santa's helpers this year at the city hall.

Riley was really excited!

They all told Santa what they were wishing for for Christmas.  Emery was pretty shy about it.  Then afterward we got a donut and hot chocolate.

Lucky us! Grandma and grandpa came up for my cousins's wedding right before Christmas.  Here is grandpa having a conversation with Riley the dinosaur.

And of course giving Finley a little attention.

Here we are at the wedding reception.  The kids all decided to switch jackets.

 We didn't stay too long because we had to get the kids home for bedtime, but while we were there the kids danced to the music that was playing and we had some treats from the table.  The kids loved the cream puffs!  Spencer and Jane looked great!

The next morning grandma and grandpa had to head back home.  :(  That's always a sad day!  But we made sure to get a picture bright and early before they left!

Then not long after I caught Riley trying to get a game out of the game closet.  Silly girl. 

This year we had each of the kids draw a name and that was the person they bought a Christmas present for.  They saved up their money and got their person a very thoughtful gift.  

Sadie and Zac got each other.  They were really excited to see each other open their gift.

And they both loved what they got.  Emery and Riley both loved their gifts too.

Time for the Elf chart!

This year the Elves brought the kids each a new pair of jammies which they wore to bed that night...of course!

Christmas morning! Checking out their stockings.

Such a big mess that takes days to clean up...but it is so fun to see their faces light up as they open their gifts.

Everybody got legos and quickly went to work putting them together!

Rob finally learned how to play the Pokemon card game so he can now play with Zac.  Thank you to Crys and Alan for getting him his own set of game cards!

We also got this fun game I'm sure you've all seen around.  But it was fun to play it.

Some were better than others at reading the cards.  My brother Scott is an expert at it.  Rob did well too!

Emery is 6!

 Emery had a birthday!  A long time ago...but she is still six even though I didn't blog about it until now.  She got to invite some friends over for a very low key party.  We colored some pictures and jumped on the trampoline, opened presents, played downstairs and ate cake and ice cream.  It was a fun little party. 

 I mean look at these cute girls!

 Such a fun day!  Emery asked for chocolate cake with strawberry icing...but I just tinted the frosting pink.  She was ok with that.  :)

Blowing out the candles.  

I love my awesome, beautiful, dramatic, fun loving 6 year old!

Random stuff from December

 It's been too long since I've updated this little blog...so I'm going to try to catch up so I can not feel so behind and stay caught up!  Here are some pictures from December:

 We tried a bigger wrap for Finley and somehow while Rob was holding her, it went up over her head like this...I just thought it was funny.  She slept for a long time like this!

 All the kids gathered around the computer.  Probably playing a game.

 She looks so tiny sleeping on me here.  

 A rare moment of brother/sister cuddling on the couch.  I'm assuming this was early morning Saturday cartoons.  

 A rare date night.  We went to a place where they cook your food right in front of you.  It was fun and delicious.  

 I love when it snows and if you look closely at the snowflakes they look like this.  So pretty!  I always show the kids when I notice this.  They think it is pretty cool.

 Zac built this little guy all by himself.  It is really nice that the kids are getting old enough to build their own snowmen.  I watch from the warm house holding Finley while they play in the snow.

 I may have already posted these pictures, but isn't Finley so cute?

 Riley playing My Little Pony.  

 Reading family scriptures.  We finally finished reading the Book of Mormon again so we get to go out to ice cream!!!